"Gather ye rose-buds while ye may." Robert Herrick

"Gather ye rose-buds while ye may." Robert Herrick

Hello Friends!

Friends, Romans, countrymen...y'all. Foodies, gardeners, artists and collectors - let's gather together to share and possibly learn a thing or two in the mix.

Donna Baker

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Heartbroken


I have posted before that you have to drag me kicking and screaming to the doctor.  Infantile behavior I know.  I do the necessary checkups and tests, and I take all my medications religiously, but I don't like to.

After the fall, filled with too much stress; my husband's chronic/serious illnesses and hospitalizations while moving from one house to another back to back, then the holidays and just life, I have neglected some health issues.

That pain, in my back between my shoulder blades radiating around my side, was due to packing and  moving, carrying around bales of hay and feed bags.  At least that is what I wanted it to be.  And that was back in October.  Then just the feeling that something isn't ticking like it's supposed to; something just doesn't seem right.  Vague symptoms to sweep under the rug with crossed fingers.

So, I finally got tired of worrying about it (remember I have an anxiety disorder so worrying is my middle name and impossible for me not to.)  I have some time this week and went to see my internist yesterday.  She did an EKG and said she was concerned and was referring me to a cardiologist in the city at the Heart Institute.  She said they will be doing lots of tests.  Just the thought of it all is going to give me a heart attack.

I will share the journey with you, just so you won't wait if you are having symptoms, and February, coincidentally, is Heart Health month.  Childlike, I am sure nothing is wrong and hoping that all of this is just in my head and due to stress.  I hate having to go through it all, but it could be worse.  My family still needs me and would be heartbroken. And, like I said, I ain't going gently...



32 comments:

  1. Donna - you are one feisty woman whom I'm certain would not 'go gently' to anything! Thankfully you are seeking professional help with this latest pain situation. Remember we have to be proactive when it comes to our own health issues (the reason I'm a cancer survivor), only we know our bodies and what they tell us when something is out of whack! I pray your heart is strong and you will get through the many tests ahead - it's not pretty but it's the only way to surge forward and regain good health. We each have many, many years ahead hopefully - you know we women, always so much to do and we think we can do it ALL - but we must remain healthy and strong and I hope that's what will be in the cards for you my dear.
    You will be in my thoughts in coming days - be a good patient and allow others to assist you through all this.
    Wish I lived closer.
    With hugs - Mary

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    1. Oh Mary, I wish you lived closer too. Thank you for your words. I will be thinking of all of my blog friends and getting strength from you as the one thing I am certain about is, we are all in this together.

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  2. Oh Donna ...... you are really going through it. At least you have put things in motion just to make sure and, don't forget, it could be something that just needs a pill or two. Sometimes it's just your body telling you that you're overdoing it and need to slow down a little.
    Chin up, be strong and I'll be thinking of you. Sending much love from the UK. XXXX

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    1. Thank you so Jacqueline. I am not a youngster anymore and have to realize that. I just hope it's all in my head and it will work out fine in the end. I can take anything, except the thought of not being there for my family. I've been writing lists today for things, like directions for Sister's eye meds and insulin injections, etc. It makes me feel better. I've had that call at 3:00 am for my first daughter and don't want everything left to chance, etc. Preparation is key when it's an option and makes OCD people less stressed.

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  3. Donna I am so like you - a head in the sand kind of person who has a fear of doctors and hospitals. I hope everything goes ok and that you have been worrying unnecessarily - fingers crossed. At least you have been brave enough to take the first step. My thoughts are with you my friend - you have to take care of yourself! Elaine x

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    1. Thank you Elaine. I didn't want my family to say in hindsight, if only she's have gone to the doctor... I have said maxims to my kids, like, better safe than sorry, etc. Want them to believe them. (But, not the one about do as I say, not as I do.)

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  4. Your heart is as strong and steady and gallant and tough and tender as any a one in the universe. If preparation helps you to take on the next few days, the next appointment, the next step---I hope you fill reams and boxes and great warehouses of notes.

    rachel, who is just keepin' on keepin' on

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    1. I've been there when chaos ensued and wouldn't want that to be the case if preventable. Thank you Rachel. I am quite sure it all will go well and just be the proverbial 'pain in the ass' to have to go through.

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  5. Donna, I am thinking of you and wishing for the best news.
    Really just so glad you are checking it out and taking good care of yourself!
    As you know I understand!

    xoxo
    Karena
    The Arts by Karena

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    1. So sweet of you Karena. I gotta go sometime, but don't want to go because I neglected something.

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  6. Just tell yourself that it all needs checking Donna and that all the tests will soon be over. Do hope it is all a false alarm and that you are soon back to feeling well again.

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    1. Pat, that is exactly what I am doing. Get the pipes all checked out and get a jump on spring.

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  7. Donna Donna Donna.... We always seem to take care of everyone any just push the worries away.
    I hope this will be just a series of aches and pains.
    Have several immune problems that have piggy backed and my "episodes" have gotten worst.
    Like you I should go to the doctors but since about 15 years old these problems have lived and lead my life. Sometimes I just get tired of it all.
    Please keep us informed on your journey.
    I am sending you hope this is a false alarm and you will be feeling better soon.

    cheers, parsnip and thehamish

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    1. Yes, no time for these kind of things, but then again, there is never a good time. And, I will feel better soon because Just getting it behind me will be such a relief. Thank you.

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  8. I am sorry.
    I am also guilty. My own health is last on the list of things that I worry about. I assume (often correctly that any new aches/pains/failure to function are part of my chronic condition. So I ignore it. Often for too long. Which is sad and bad.
    Good luck.

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    1. Child, I totally understand. Thank you.

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  9. That is good you finally went in to see your doctor. It is not pleasant to have tests, and leads to anxiety, I know, but it will be good to have them done. I hope you pass with flying colors.

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    1. Thank you Terra. Can I get on that treadmill with you?

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  10. I want someone to take care of you now as you have taken care of your dear husband and furry friends..
    as you know what if is my middle name..which is not unlike being a worrier..but..I have a feeling all will be well:)
    I hate hospitals..hate tests..and what an eye opener to how many suffer..what we see in the outside world..day to day or on tv..are not what's going on behing hospital walls.:(

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    1. So true, my dear Monique. Not looking forward to it, but it too shall pass and then perhaps I can get on with spring. It will be here before we know it and I've much to do before it arrives. From your lips to God's ears...

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    2. :)Visualize yourself healthy in your gardens:) I am seeing you that away.

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  11. Dear Donna I know you are going to be just fine. Time you took a little care though and get checked out. Will be praying for you sweet friend. Hugs!

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    1. And thank you so sweet friend. Like I told Monique, from your lips to God's ears...

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  12. It's probably something; they will figure it out and fix it. Here's my take on what happens. I was referred once to a nephrologist by my primary care doctor who does not like to manage anything. The nephrologist has you bring blood work results to the appointment. The first time I saw him he waved my results in the air and demanded to know why the hell I was there. "Probably because of the heirs and assigns," I responded. In five slow seconds it registered and he howled with laughter. That was five years ago. Our greeting remains unchanged.

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    1. Joanne, you're a mess. I will probably be eating raw kale leaves and tofu and drinking lots of water for the rest of my life with non-stop exercise and yoga in between, a lot to look forward to.

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    2. You get used to sucking it up and figuring out how to deal with doctors.

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  13. These tests will give you peace of mind. It really could just be something small. Even an Internist doesn't know it all where the heart is concerned, it is a delicate organ. Have faith, and confidence, that things will be well.

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    1. I will Michelle. That is what I'm after. Peace of mind.

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  14. Dear Donna, as one who's also not all that keen on spending time with doctors, I am so very glad that you have gone to have those pesky pains checked out, and that some more tests will be done.

    You are a wise lady, and I sense I don't need to say this, but...I'll go ahead and do so. Try not to let yourself get ahead of the available information, now that you'll be spending some time with those doctors. Find some books with your favorite authors, start a new sketchbook, in general, do embrace yoga and whatever helps to keep your worries at bay.

    Before I fill up too much of this comments box, I just want to send you best wishes and lots of love and support. xo

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    1. Your are a dear Frances and thank you. I am certain it is nothing and due to too much stress. And I love hearing from you. Picture me in the lotus position with fingers curled and mouthing f*ck.

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